Friday, November 9, 2007

Addie, wait up called the short athletic girl named Natalie. Addie, I can’t go that fast come on we have to solve this mystery. It’s a difficult one for sure. Why would someone want to do something like this? Addie was a young detective she was almost done solving a mystery that she and Natalie had been working on for a while. She was on her way home with Natalie and her mom to go get her clean new convertible to go see she could find the victim if she went to the place she had suspected he was at. When they got home they found that Addies mom wasn’t there anymore so they went to go call the police if they could help find her. When they got to the police they went inside and then they all left to find her. Her father decided to help her with the mystery. This was the first mystery Addie had done with someone in danger. So Addie, her father (James) and Natalie all set off on the mystery. They were on there way to see the police station to see if they had found any sign of her. They didn’t know what to do. Everything had gone wrong. They went back to there wonderful house on a hill right by the beach after they took Natalie home. The next day there was a note on the door, it said:

“Your beloved wife is with me and you are not going to get her back!!!”

What should we do dad? Mom’s in danger. I’ll do anything to solve this mystery and get her back. The next day they went out for breakfast and talked about what they were going to do. When they opened the door they saw that everything was all over the floor and it looked like someone had searched the house. But who did it, was it the same criminal who took there mom or was it someone totally different? And if it was them what where they looking for? Let’s go report this to the police right away! Let’s also ask if they have found any trace of mom yet. Okay let’s go. When they got there they learned that there had been no sign of her mother yet. So they went to go talk to the police chief. He asked if they any ideas about who would want to do something like this to them did anyone have a grudge against anyone in the family. He said that he didn’t know about anyone who did. But James was an owner of an owner of a Multi National Conglomeration so it could be anyone really. It could even be someone who wants to be rich like him. But there is one person who stands out in my mind. Who is that? It was the man I was going against in the campaign to be able to start the company his name was Mr. Johnson. He was either going to work under me or I was going to work under him. I won the vote by one. He was very angry. So it could be him. We’ll call him in right away. Where do you think he could be? Well probably working at his office or at home. So they called him in. They started to question him he seemed pretty innocent. But that didn’t prove anything. It didn’t really help either, they didn’t know who it was and they didn’t have anymore ideas. They didn’t know what to do that was there only idea. So they went home. When they got there they found that it had been searched again. When they were putting everything away Addie noticed a note under the vase on the table it said:

You’ll never catch me!
Ha Ha Ha!!!

Who could have done this, and why? I’m not sure but I’m going to find out. How? I don’t know yet. But that’s not the point. Well I’m definitely helping you then. Well since where here let’s try to make ourselves useful and try to think of who would do this and if it was Mr. Johnson how do we prove him guilty. Well I can’t do that because I don’t know who you know. So I’ll go do some investigating out in town and I’ll also take a trip to Mr.Johnsons house. Okay, go ahead. But what do you expect to find, I’m not sure yet. Well what time are you coming home? I’m not sure yet. I’m also going to pick up Natalie on my way. All right go ahead. Bye! When she went to go pick up Natalie she learned that Natalie had just left and she hadn’t told anyone where she was going. So Addie went to town alone. When she got there she saw someone trying to smuggle a store. She wondered what a criminal might be doing besides smuggling a store. But she kept going, because she didn’t want to get in any danger. So she decided to go see Mr. Johnson. She had gotten his address from her dad. The weird thing was that it was way out in the woods. She also noticed that the robber was headed the same way as her. When she got there she asked the house keeper if he was there. She said yes but she was lucky, because he had just got there and he had been taking weird trips all day without telling anyone where he was. So she led her to his office. Addie asked him where he had been when he left on his day trips. He asked her how she new about that, Addie said she knows about everything. “I’ve just been taking walks”
“Sure”
“I have”
“Why are you here any way” said Mr. Johnson as he turned back around.
“I’m here about my mother do you know anything about her” Addie said as she started too walked closer to him.
“I’ve already told you and the police 5 times”
“Are you sure you haven’t even seen my moms jewelry that was stolen either.”
“NO”
“Okay bye”
As she walked back to the door she saw a picture of her mother on the dresser and she asked where he got that picture. He said that she had given it to him.
“Are you sure about that”
“Positive”
So she left but that was a pretty good clue. Addie thought it was him but when she walked in the she found her father had a different idea.
“Addie I’m glad you’re here” her dad said as he walked up to her.
“Why” said Addie with an interested look on her face.
“I think I have an idea of who might have done this” Her dad said.
“WHO” Addie said with an excited look on her face.
“Mr. J Mallik, He is someone that I met in college and he wanted to marry mom he also wanted my job to, James said with a frown. I really think it would be a good idea to report this to the police right away and see if we can get a lead on this mystery.” So she grabbed her dad by the shirt and left. When they got there they told them about Mr. J Mallik. They called his house several times but no one answered.
“We’ll try again in about a half of an hour if they don’t answer we’ll go over there and take a look around.” The sergeant said.
“Well let you know what it looks like in about an hour.”
“Okay bye.”
When they got home they saw that the house had been wrecked and this time the note was taped to the refrigerator. It said:

YOU DESERVED TO LOOSE HER AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!!

“Who is doing this?” James said with sadness and annoyance in his eyes
“I’m not sure, Addie said with a frown. But I’m going to find out.”
“I have a pretty good idea that it was Mr. Johnson. Because he’s been taking trips out without telling anyone where he’s going and he has a picture of mom.”
“Oh, really, I think we should pay a visit to him.”
“Good idea!”
“Let’s go!”
“But first let’s go check the safe”
“Okay” Everything was still there.
“Whew”
“Okay let’s go”
So on there way through town they saw the same person robbing a store that Addie had already seen. So they called the police and they tried to catch the man but they couldn’t catch him he ran into the woods towards Mr. Johnson’s house again.
“That’s what that robber did last time” Addie exclaimed!
“Really”
“YES”
“Let’s go tell the police right away” James exclaimed!
“Alright”
After they got to the police office they called in Mr. Johnson. They asked him various questions. They were firing them back and forth for hours, when they finally came to a conclusion.




They decided to keep him there over night. “No way” he said.
“Yes way” said the sergeant.
“Why” said Mr. Johnson.
“Because you act guilty”
“You and Addie can go home James”
“Okay, see you tomorrow”
“Bye”
On there way home they were talking about oh they thought did this Addie thought it was Mr. Johnson, and her father thought it was Mr. J Mallik. When they got home they saw that the house was searched again. But this time they saw someone running away. Down the mountain he ran faster and faster onto the beach he ran and ran and ran and then he disappeared. “Lets go look there tomorrow and investigate you can’t just disappear into thin air.”
“Okay tomorrow.”
“I’m tired, how about you?”
“Yes very tired”
“Good night”

When they woke up her dad was getting dressed and he looked at the safe and everything was gone! There was a note on it that said:

You deserve everything that you’re getting!

Addie the jewels and the money it’s all gone!!!!!
“What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know yet we’ll ask the police right away.”
“I’ll go call”
So they went down there and told them exactly what happened even about the note. They didn’t know what to do except to go examine that place. So that’s exactly what they did. They went and did that with the police and they found nothing. “Maybe it was just foggy” said Chief Morando.
“NO it was not just foggy” said Addie and her dad.
“We can look again later”
“Okay”
“Just go back home and be calm we’ll set out a crew to find her”
So when they got there they sat and thought. “Maybe there’s someone in the police that is helping them” Addie suggested.
“Maybe but who”
“I don’t know”
“Never mind we have no proof of that”
“Well it was a good idea”
“I just wish she was back”
“Me to”
“It could be anyone”
“Let’s go out to dinner tonight I have a plan”
“What”
“I’ll tell you while we’re eating”
When they got there they ordered a drink and he told her his plan and this is how it went: “First we act like where eating here and then we walk to the house and sneak in and try to catch the man who’s been trashing the house and we catch him.”
“When are we going to go?”
“Right now after we tell the police because there going to help us close in on him”
“Okay let’s go!”
While they were walking home they saw the lights on in the house. They all closed in slowly but they did it very quietly. When they got to the door Chief Morando opened it and bravely walked in and he saw the robber, who was searching through the draws. He snuck up and grabbed him. The man struggled and then he gave up because he found out he couldn’t get away. They took off his mask and saw that it was someone they didn’t know. Now he couldn’t be leaving the notes. “He’s just a persistent robber that we couldn’t ever catch.”
“But who could be leaving those notes than” said James.
“I’m not sure” said Chief Morando.
“Well see you tomorrow”
“Okay Bye”
“Let’s go to bed”
“Okay”
“Good night”
The next morning Addie was up bright and early, her father woke up later. She was thinking all morning she decided to go to town to get Natalie. She went to town as soon as her dad woke up. Natalie was still asleep when she got there. So she waited until she woke up.
“Hi Natalie” Addie said
“Good morning Addie”
“How are you?” asked Addie.
“I’m tired! How are you?” Natalie said.
“Good want to come over” asked Addie.
“Do you have any idea about the mystery?” asked Natalie.
“No not really” said Addie.
“What were you doing when you left and did not tell anyone where you were going?” asked Addie.
Natalie’s eye were darting to and fro trying to affix on Addie’s face. “I a, I um, I went shopping.” stuttered Natalie.
“Are you sure you went shopping? You don’t sound as if you are to sure about that,” pushed Addie. “I am just checking!”
“Yes, I am sure. I went shopping at the local mall. I hit the DC shoe store for the new Hi-Fi. It rocks! I almost got the Chelsea, but I thought the Hi-Fi had a better look. I needed to get some new shoes for running on the beach” Natalie stated much more convincingly.
“Okay, let’s head for your house and get something to eat” Said Addie. “I really want to see the new shoes!”

So when they got there they ate breakfast. Then they went to the spot where her mother had disappeared. When they were getting out of the car, another car was going by and nearly hit Addie getting out on the passenger side of the car. A young man seeing what was happening dashed over and stopped Addie from stepping backward and being hit by the car.
“That car almost hit you. You need to be more careful!” said the young man.
“Thanks! What is your name?” asked Addie.
“My name is Frank. Frank Hardy,” said the young man. “What is yours?”
“My name is Addie and this is my friend Natalie!” responded Addie.
“Oh nice to meet you Addie and Natalie” said Frank.
“You to” said Addie.
“What are you guys doing?” asked Frank.
“Well my mom got kidnapped and we’re trying to find her” said Addie.
“Do you have any idea who did it?” asked Frank.
“No, not yet” said Addie. “But this is where we last saw her.”
“Oh, would you like me to help you look for clues?” asked Frank.
“Sure” said Addie. “That would be very nice”
“Why not” added Natalie.
“Okay, lets go. You lead the way” said Frank.
So they started looking around. They didn’t find anything for a while, but then frank spotted something in the bushes. It was Addie’s mom’s purse. “So they did take her here.” Addie said with a sad voice. “But who? That was still a mystery. It was who and why that has got me baffled. Why would someone want to do this?”
“I do not know, but they must have been desperate to upset your father, that is for sure.” Natalie said gruffly.
Addie just could not put it together. “Who was it that was leaving those notes? Was it that burglar or was it someone else? I just don’t know.” Addie thought. “It could even be someone that we don’t know. It just doesn’t make sense. Worst part is that we don’t even have a clue as to who it could really be.”

2 comments:

Annette said...

Hey, Annelise! That is GREAT! I love your story. I am excited thst a new guy joined the crew looking for Addie's mom (a Hardy boy, no less :) Ha ha! ). I also like how you named your chief police officer after your family. :) Is there anyone in your family in law enforcement?

I find it interesting that Addie and her dad are very good about involving the police in each stage of their attempts to find Addie's mom. That's a mystery that a police officer would love to hear. So often people get frustrated with the procedures for involving the police and decide to go out on their own. Usually they do something stupid. Do you think your characters will ever do that?

Maybe you can develop your characters by giving them a flaw of some kind--maybe Addie is impatient, or her dad collects too many sets of golf clubs (?!). These weaknesses can lead to interesting plot twists, as they may cause your characters to do things accidentally that work against themselves.

I noticed that you started using quotation marks for your characters' dialogue lines. Good job! You also wove setting details in with them. ("They ordered a drink and he told her his plan...") Good job again! :) I liked how you described Natalie's eyes as "darting to and fro trying to affix on Addie's face." You indicated that she was probably lying without saying that, and that is an excellent example of "showing, not telling"--the old writer's adage.

You're really doing a great job of letting your story just flow naturally, and you have some really creative plot twists (notes from the kidnapper, Addie almost getting hit by a car so that she meets Frank, the robber running toward Mr. Johnson's house). I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Mrs. Bannister

Annette said...

Hi, Annelise,
I can't wait to read more of your story. Please post more!!
Mrs. Bannister